Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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