So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
