suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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