I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
