Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
