My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
