This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
