Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
