from now on my penis is your penis
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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