I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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