I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
