When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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