He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
