you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
