why didn't you poke me back
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
