This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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