Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
