New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
