So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
