At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize