pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
