Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
