I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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