I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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