Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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