dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
