literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
