benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This toilet bowl is my home.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
