I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
