Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize