ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
