My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she smelled like a LAN party
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there is glitter all over my balls
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