I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
