I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
