He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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