my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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