wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
