This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
