Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
