I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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