there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
