Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
