Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I faked an abortion last night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize