If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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