Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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