Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
last night I used snow as a chaser
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
