did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
