Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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