you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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