I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
