my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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