I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
