Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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