Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
