bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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