YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
