i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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