I wish my penis had an off switch
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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