So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
