Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
