After last night, I could never be a politician.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
