can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
