I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She announced her abortion via fbk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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