I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
