I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
