I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
