i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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