i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
