i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ok first of all what the fuck
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
