we have pet lesbian snakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
