We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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