paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
