I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so much tequila, so little girl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
