If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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