and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
