You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
