She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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