Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
